Controlling Moods
One day at school something happened to my daughter. She was angry and upset. As the hours passed, she began to feel very sad. I could sense her withdrawing into herself. She became sullen. Then her emotions started to control the rest of us. No one was allowed to be happy as well. I started to get worried how one person could control not only herself but an entire family’s mood.
Bitter Pity Party
I really thought about how she handled her emotions. I have had previous experiences with people like this. In fact, I know 2 older women that constantly live in a state of mind “BITTER”. It makes it hard for people to connect with people like this. Which in turn leaves them even more frustrated because no one calls them as much as they like.
you put out perception
So, I sat with my daughter, and we talked about how people perceive us. Sadly, how we’re perceived as is also how people will deal with us. If you complain often, people after a while will dismiss even actual occurrences. If you are sullen and surly, then people will no longer approach you to do fun things.
mental Baggage we carry
Everything we go through in life, shapes us. If something happens that is not pleasing to us it becomes baggage. As humans the older we get we move around with the feelings that shape so much of how we react. Who we become and how people see us. In my mind, I used to visualize it as backpack, but over time for me it’s now a HUGE suitcase. Mine is filled with break-ups, deaths and dashed dreams of old hopes.
Addresses in your brain
What I have done to manage my baggage. My brain has a map with so many addresses. I have a specific one for being sad. When something sucks, I go there to let myself feel sorry for me. I learned though once when I got stuck in my sad house. At the time, I refused to move out of sad. I recognized myself becoming even more bitter and people started giving up on me. Staying at sad with all my baggage was becoming permanent. No one really wants to visit people in sad.
don’t unpack
Honestly, I don’t want you to think I’m being dismissive of feelings. Sad exists so I know how great my happy house is. I told my daughter she can stay at sad but move to courage when she feels ready. All the addresses in our mind we can’t stay there permanently if you are empathetic. However, you must do your best to get back up to keep going (and basically collect more baggage).
always keep moving
Because the world will go on. Whether you stay sad, and whether you were the victim. It’s your choice to live in a perpetual state of the past, where you have unpacked your baggage and refuse to move. We need to teach our children early healthy mental thinking. This comes with acknowledgment and acceptance of feelings, but then the courage to try again and the resiliency to repeat this over and over.